Parenting WIN

[HilbillyHomeboy]

NWS FOR LANGUAGE



We need more parents like this. This is how it's done.

Jeremy

[AgentOblivious]

What a douchebag.

I don't care what you guys think, but when you start keeping score like that, and hiding behind videos and going and wrecking her stuff behind her back, you're stooping to her level and then its not punishment, its a fight.

Sometimes it works, sometimes they end up moving out and in with a drug dealer they met at school. *true story*

Sounds like there's more to the story than just his side.

[Valhallaz]

What a douchebag.

I don't care what you guys think, but when you start keeping score like that, and hiding behind videos and going and wrecking her stuff behind her back, you're stooping to her level and then its not punishment, its a fight.

Sometimes it works, sometimes they end up moving out and in with a drug dealer they met at school. *true story*

Sounds like there's more to the story than just his side.

I'd of reacted similarly, but I'd of destroyed the laptop in front of her. There wouldn't have been video. And I've raised two walking nightmares, the children of my ex's junkie sister.
I understand his frustration perfectly.

How many kids have you raised? And how, with your vast experience, would you have handled it?

[AgentOblivious]

I'd of reacted similarly, but I'd of destroyed the laptop in front of her. There wouldn't have been video. And I've raised two walking nightmares, the children of my ex's junkie sister.
I understand his frustration perfectly.

How many kids have you raised? And how, with your vast experience, would you have handled it?

I understand the frustration, but that's exactly what it is; fustration. He's taking it out emotionally, instead of trying to be constructive about it. I haven't had any kids of my own, but I've seen what can happen when its a fight as opposed to parenting. My cousin's been disowned by his parents, and as I understand it they don't even get to see their own grandkids now, all over a family fight.

Its high-horsed of me to be saying this, and only time will tell if that's what I'd actually do, but none of this embarrassing her in front of her friends, or destroying perfectly good equipment. She'd get a private chewing out, and frankly I'd only care about her school work at that age, not whether or not she has a job. Also, a list? Really? Its chores, not a game. I'd bust out a broom and some towels, and we'd do it together.

[HilbillyHomeboy]

What a douchebag.

I don't care what you guys think, but when you start keeping score like that, and hiding behind videos and going and wrecking her stuff behind her back, you're stooping to her level and then its not punishment, its a fight.

Sometimes it works, sometimes they end up moving out and in with a drug dealer they met at school. *true story*

Sounds like there's more to the story than just his side.

Keeping score? Of what? How many times he's been down the same road with her? That's called life, hotshot. Ever had a performance review for a job? Yeah, they "keep score".

Hiding behind videos? He's not hiding behind anything. He's already dealt with her and this same disrespect in the past. The original "punishment" didn't work, obviously. Time for a new approach. My father did the same kind of shit to me, I learned real quick not to repeat that act.

I can't wait to hear this...tell me what clues you saw/heard to assert there's more to the story? AgentOblivious, indeed.

Jeremy

[AgentOblivious]

Keeping score? Of what? How many times he's been down the same road with her? That's called life, hotshot. Ever had a performance review for a job? Yeah, they "keep score".

My manager works from 5 am - 2:30, I usually work nights and weekends...of course my performance reviews are an accurate portrayal of my work *note sarcasm*. Not to mention its home, not a job. You don't sit there and nitpick over who's dick is longer, or who's done more work at home. You get it done and move on. "Many hands make light work" fits, and if you don't want her to be a spoiled brat and not do anything, you sweep while she does dishes or vice versa.

Hiding behind videos? He's not hiding behind anything. He's already dealt with her and this same disrespect in the past. The original "punishment" didn't work, obviously. Time for a new approach. My father did the same kind of shit to me, I learned real quick not to repeat that act.

Sure he's hiding behind a video. By making it and posting it for her friends to see, its a way of hitting back and humiliating her without having to do it face to face. I'm sure he has dealt with it before, and he'll deal with it again, because you don't get different results from doing the same thing over and over. That's great that it worked for you, fine, but its not a blanket cure.

I can't wait to hear this...tell me what clues you saw/heard to assert there's more to the story? AgentOblivious, indeed.

Jeremy

Well for one, you yourself pointed out that he's dealt with it before, and that he pointed out himself, so obviously taking her stuff and shutting her in isn't working that well. Second, that he's trying to humiliate her points to him being butt-hurt over the comments, and wanting to come out on top over it. He seems like the kind of guy who if he got knocked out, would come back later and slash your tires or bring some friends so that he ends up defending his pride. With that kind of an attitude, I bet they clash over all sorts of things.

Personally, having her begrudgingly do her chores and bitch after is better than having her not do them then say nothing but nice things about her parents. She's a teenaged girl, if you're around when her friends are there and you're involved in her life, they'll sort out who's bitching and who's telling the truth on their own.

[HilbillyHomeboy]

My manager works from 5 am - 2:30, I usually work nights and weekends...of course my performance reviews are an accurate portrayal of my work *note sarcasm*. Not to mention its home, not a job. You don't sit there and nitpick over who's dick is longer, or who's done more work at home. You get it done and move on. "Many hands make light work" fits, and if you don't want her to be a spoiled brat and not do anything, you sweep while she does dishes or vice versa.

That's not even remotely what I'm talking about, and you know it. A review as in, AgentOblivious, we've given you a verbal and written warning about this. The next step is termination. That is keeping score. You don't gallyvant through life with a clean slate, despite your previous mishaps.

Sure he's hiding behind a video. By making it and posting it for her friends to see, its a way of hitting back and humiliating her without having to do it face to face. I'm sure he has dealt with it before, and he'll deal with it again, because you don't get different results from doing the same thing over and over. That's great that it worked for you, fine, but its not a blanket cure.

See BaadVR4's response. You're quite insane if you think that guy isn't going to confront her face to face. I'm going to venture it starts with "Do I have your attention, now?" It's cute that you automatically assume it escalates into a knock down drag out. Judge much?

Well for one, you yourself pointed out that he's dealt with it before, and that he pointed out himself, so obviously taking her stuff and shutting her in isn't working that well. Second, that he's trying to humiliate her points to him being butt-hurt over the comments, and wanting to come out on top over it. He seems like the kind of guy who if he got knocked out, would come back later and slash your tires or bring some friends so that he ends up defending his pride. With that kind of an attitude, I bet they clash over all sorts of things.

What point do you think you just made with your #1, other than my point? Yes, he's dealt with it before. Grounding her did all of nothing, obviously. So, now, he's on to a new method of getting her attention, coupled with the previous method as well.

Obviously divorced, and mommy is on board with it, too. Sounds like a solid environment to me.

Public humiliation has become a very accepted method of punishment. So much so, that this has been used in the court of law when dealing with minors. No different than when someone feels wronged buying out of the classifieds on a forum. You approach the person, privately. If they won't deal with you...you take it public. AKA, getting their attention, and feedback from others.

#2, you're looking at this as a game. It appears the father is not. He seems concerned, and genuinely going out of his way to teach this girl common respect, decency, and a good work ethic. If it takes a viral video to get her attention, so be it. As you said "you don't get different results from doing the same thing over and over."

Jeremy

[AdamVR4]

That's not even remotely what I'm talking about, and you know it. A review as in, AgentOblivious, we've given you a verbal and written warning about this. The next step is termination. That is keeping score. You don't gallyvant through life with a clean slate, despite your previous mishaps.





See BaadVR4's response. You're quite insane if you think that guy isn't going to confront her face to face. I'm going to venture it starts with "Do I have your attention, now?" It's cute that you automatically assume it escalates into a knock down drag out. Judge much?



What point do you think you just made with your #1, other than my point? Yes, he's dealt with it before. Grounding her did all of nothing, obviously. So, now, he's on to a new method of getting her attention, coupled with the previous method as well.

Obviously divorced, and mommy is on board with it, too. Sounds like a solid environment to me.

Public humiliation has become a very accepted method of punishment. So much so, that this has been used in the court of law when dealing with minors. No different than when someone feels wronged buying out of the classifieds on a forum. You approach the person, privately. If they won't deal with you...you take it public. AKA, getting their attention, and feedback from others.

#2, you're looking at this as a game. It appears the father is not. He seems concerned, and genuinely going out of his way to teach this girl common respect, decency, and a good work ethic. If it takes a viral video to get her attention, so be it. As you said "you don't get different results from doing the same thing over and over."

Jeremy

I can certainly understand your point of view and you may very well be right. I think the difference in opinions really boil down to assumptions we're making about their relationship, her behavior, etc.

If she's truly a shitty teenager and he was left with no options, then there's nothing wrong with what he did. I suppose the only thing he could have done differently would be to donate the laptop to some charity, but this was undoubtedly a lot more satisfying.

I was a pretty crappy teenager for a couple years, but my sister was non-stop torture for my parents. She definitely got violent... Kicked my dad in the throat, the groin... With combat boots. She cut herself up and down her arms. Who knows how much money my parents spent putting her in correctional/rehab facilities. Similar to the "true story" AO mentioned earlier, she did run away from home for weeks on end and live with a drug dealer. Her boyfriends were all total scum. She was a nightmare from age 12 to 17, when she scared herself straight... In other words, she got lucky she survived her own stupidity. My parents couldn't do anything to control her and were constantly working with police to find her after she'd break out of her room. She's still paying for it today, since she missed out on so much of her education.

That's why I say this girl is a relative angel and perhaps the parent should tone it down a notch. Perspective, or something.

[AgentOblivious]

That's not even remotely what I'm talking about, and you know it. A review as in, AgentOblivious, we've given you a verbal and written warning about this. The next step is termination. That is keeping score. You don't gallyvant through life with a clean slate, despite your previous mishaps.

Like a write-up? In that case, I've only ever been written up twice: #1 was a blanket write-up for everyone who was closing, because management wanted to look tough over a few people dicking around. It didn't work, and as I understand it mine was written up because I had stayed late that night to cover for someone else. #2 was because I decided to do something about faulty wiring that was a danger to staff (and a possible fire hazard), because the weekend managers didn't want to deal with it and left it for two days without relaying the message to those that were coming in for a shift. Needless to say they have a very angry letter attached to it in my file. I did renos prior to this job, so I know what I can do and what I can't, and all I did was take the cover off a box to check it after the manager refused to turn off the power to it, "because it was too much work", and afterwards she not only shut the power off but had the bad wiring fixed within the hour.

Aside from my personal experience, score means jack shit if management does or doesn't like you, because they will give you extra chances/fewer chances based on that alone, in some cases. Life isn't always fair that way.

See BaadVR4's response. You're quite insane if you think that guy isn't going to confront her face to face. I'm going to venture it starts with "Do I have your attention, now?" It's cute that you automatically assume it escalates into a knock down drag out. Judge much?

Lets he him actually have a conversation about it to her, instead of what'll undoubtedly start as him 'laying down the law' and it'll either be her shutting up and taking it out somewhere else (oh jeez, won't be facebook this time), or it'll be a shouting match. People judge all the time; you're no exception.

What point do you think you just made with your #1, other than my point? Yes, he's dealt with it before. Grounding her did all of nothing, obviously. So, now, he's on to a new method of getting her attention, coupled with the previous method as well.

He's playing the same game, just upping the ante. The only thing new is him going out and trashing her on facebook while he shoots a perfectly good computer to burn off steam. To me that's like torching and ex's stuff.

Obviously divorced, and mommy is on board with it, too. Sounds like a solid environment to me.

Public humiliation has become a very accepted method of punishment. So much so, that this has been used in the court of law when dealing with minors. No different than when someone feels wronged buying out of the classifieds on a forum. You approach the person, privately. If they won't deal with you...you take it public. AKA, getting their attention, and feedback from others.

#2, you're looking at this as a game. It appears the father is not. He seems concerned, and genuinely going out of his way to teach this girl common respect, decency, and a good work ethic. If it takes a viral video to get her attention, so be it. As you said "you don't get different results from doing the same thing over and over."

Jeremy

There's a difference between what the courts do and what he did. He went out and dragged out a personal message all over the internet...heck if he had grabbed it from her personal diary, would that still be okay?

Usually what I've seen from sentencing is community service whereby the offender has to publicly own up, ie go around telling high school kids why they shouldn't drive drunk, with the car they trashed in tow. If he had made her give an apology on facebook, or something similar, that would be in the same league. This is just trash talking.

[Boost4VR4]

My mom is dealing with something similar right now. Her husband has custody of his daughter who is 15 and has been doing unspeakable things. She basically has no "life" and comes home, does not watch tv, does not use her cell phone, and does her schoolwork. The boyfriend that she had was a D-Bag and my mom and her husband pretty much banned her completely from seeing him because she was doing things like drinking, oral sex all the time, etc. They have to lock all of their alcohol in the house because she was sneaking alcohol.

AgentOblivious, I am not sure what world you live in, but I see nothing wrong with this video. I think it is the ultimate punishment, to bear the burden of her friends at school spreading the word that her dad posted that video on her facebook. He isn't hiding behind the video, he is making a statement and making an example out of his daughter. Too often in this world do parents become completely complacent to their children's activities because they are so busy working. Parents these days don't MAKE time to parent, they just do what I call buy-out parenting. They buy their kids out to win over their trust or to get them to do things. Good parenting does not cost anything, only time. I don't have children, but I am telling you that if someone disrespected me like that, I would probably do something similar. And I would make them work off their newly destroyed belonging that of course, I bought, or have them get a job and pay it back.

I wholeheartedly agree with what this gentleman did and thumbs up for being a PARENT.