Official 2013 NFL Discussion Thread

[sketch]

No Jets Players Drafted In New York Jets Fantasy Football League

"I almost took Mark Sanchez, but I changed my mind" says Mark Sanchez

By PFM Staff Updated: August 8, 2013
NEW YORK – After nearly two hours and sixteen rounds worth of picks, the members of the New York Jets fantasy football league completed their official 2013 player draft without selecting one single New York Jets player, sources confirmed early today.


“We couldn’t believe it,” said center Nick Mangold. “When the draft was over, we were all comparing our rosters. I was feeling pretty good about my team because I got Tom Brady at QB, C.J. Spiller at RB, and Dez Bryant as my WR. Then all of a sudden, Santonio Holmes said, ‘Hey, didn’t any of you guys pick me?’ We all just kind of looked at each other and shrugged. That room was dead silent man.”

“So we all started going through our selected player lists, and sure enough, no Jets,” continued CB Antonio Cromartie. “I had the first overall pick, so I course I took Adrian Peterson. Then in rounds two and three I grabbed Aaron Rodgers and Lamar Miller. Maybe I might’ve taken (Jets RB Chris Ivory) in the middle rounds if he wasn’t injured. But there’s no one else on the New York offense that appealed to me.”

“I drafted Drew Brees in the second round as my primary QB,” said Mark Sanchez. “Later on, I was considering drafting myself in round 13 as a backup. But then I saw that Christian Ponder of the Vikings was still available, so I picked him instead. Just because, you know, his starting position is more secure.”

“Last year, I had Shonne Greene, Dustin Keller, and the Jets defense on my team, and I came in dead last,” said head coach Rex Ryan. “I’m not making that same mistake again. This year I loaded up with Peyton Manning, Ray Rice, and Wes Welker so I’m feeling real good about my team.”

Added Ryan: “Plus, I picked the Tampa Bay defense, and now that they have Darrelle Revis, they should be AWESOME. Championship, here I come!”

Source......Onion?

[sergechronos]

Source......Onion?

Not sure if the Onion still does sports. Maybe the Sports Pickle? Funny all the same.

[93STLTH]

It's a site called Pro Football Mock. It's just humorous takes on things happening in the NFL. It's all fiction, of course.

[sergechronos]

Idk, that last post sounded pretty accurate.

[93STLTH]

Doctors Fear Tom Brady Injury May Have Separated Tim Tebow From Bench
By PFM Staff Updated: August 14, 2013

FOXBOROUGH, MA – Patriots coaches and trainers expressed concern today that the knee injury suffered by QB Tom Brady during Wednesday’s practice may have resulted in a partial, or even permanent separation of Tim Tebow from the team’s bench.


“Of course we’re trying to remain optimistic until the MRI results are in,” said a visibly shaken Bill Belichick. “But there’s a very real possibility that Tom’s injury may have dislodged Tebow from the bench, which of course would be classified as a grade-1 fracture of our entire season.”

“It was awful. As soon as that knee hit the ground I heard something pop,” said WR Danny Amendola. “I looked over and saw that the sound had come from Tim peeling himself off the bench while strapping on his helmet. It just made me want to puke. I’m pretty squeamish about things like that.”


As of press time, Brady’s injury was being called a “minor sprain” by team doctors, but Belichick claimed that he would be handling the delicate situation carefully.

“We’ll be taking a few extra precautions from this point forward,” Belichick told reporters. “Our medical staff is working to stabilize Tim and keep him firmly in place at the far end of the bench to avoid any further damage to our passing offense. So we’re looking into a custom designed brace that will limit his movements via a system of straps and surgically implanted metal rods.”

[CoreyB]

The MRI results were negative, he is fine. Funny shit about Tebow though

[CoreyB]

Its just preseason, I know. But its hard to not be very excited over what Brady and the Pats offense looks like, wow.

[stealthee]

I don't put much if any value in preseason. I have seen teams go undefeated in preseason only to go sub 500 in the regular season. Then there have been teams with 1 or even 0 wins in preseason go on and dominate the regular season.

[sergechronos]

Its just the preason, I know. But its hard to not be violently ill over what Newton and the Panthers offense looks like, eww.

Defense looks better for us, by through 2 preseason games, Newton has been outplayed by Derek. Fucking. Anderson. And Rivera is still a twat who doesn't belong at the helm of a team.

[CoreyB]

I dont care about the wins and losses in preseason, but if you watch, you can see how players are performing. The Pats are missing Hernandez, Gronk, Welker, and Lyod. Yet Brady goes out there with all new receivers and goes 11 of 12 with a 26 yard TD and a 2 point conversion against a starting defense. I was impressed.