Just a Quick Poll

[stealthify]

I was afraid that, looking at the bigger picture, this would be a badly disguised political question. I'm not going there.

What it boils down to, in this particular situation, is that we have the ability to pull the plug on our generosity if we feel the gains of our relationship with this neighbor are no longer balancing out. In my view, this is a matter of relationships, not about catering to anonymous and parasitic freeloaders.

For example, if you're leaving out of town and you need someone to watch your house, and your neighbor unceremoniously says no when you ask, that could change the situation. If your car breaks down, and your neighbor jumps in his car and doesn't offer you a ride to work (or even, perhaps, refuses you if you were to ask), that could change the situation.

I believe in building rapport with people. Much like this karma you speak of, it doesn't always pay off right away or even at all in the ways you might expect, but we do it every day in our relationships (neighbors, co-workers, friends, families and loved ones). In my experience, those that don't often live a lonely life.

[IPD]

and the "traditional logic" also says that marriage works by giving 100% of your self to your partner, and vice versa. but the problem is, your partner isn't you--nor does he/she know all of your wants/needs by heart (and if they do, they're liable to drop the ball from time to time). when that happens, it will eventually build resentment (it's a cumulative effect). the net effect is that your happiness is a by-product of how well another caters to you yourself.

cut out the middle man. do for yourself first, and that way YOU--as a happy, complete, satisfied person--can engage in all variety of relationships without feeling like there's an existing imbalance.

i'm not saying there's no room for charity--but if it you even faintly question your motives/behavior in such actions...you should stop. and never should your own livlihood be negatively impacted by charity. ever.

[onebadmollafolla]

Gotta get dat ass...

[stealthify]

never should your own livlihood be negatively impacted by charity. ever.

Coming from you, I gathered you'd say as much.

I don't expect hand outs. Upon receiving some form of generosity I immediately feel the need to reciprocate in some way, otherwise I feel I've created an imbalance in the connection. Unfortunately, when it comes to finding out if this neighbor's values reflect my own, I imagine it is beyond the scope of this thread's initial question.

[IPD]

Coming from you, I gathered you'd say as much.

I don't expect hand outs. Upon receiving some form of generosity I immediately feel the need to reciprocate in some way, otherwise I feel I've created an imbalance in the connection. Unfortunately, when it comes to finding out if this neighbor's values reflect my own, I imagine it is beyond the scope of this thread's initial question.

and you're just approaching this from the other vantage point. you see yourself as wanting to return a good deed; but you're also projecting that onto other people. sure, some people will--but some won't. today, you may be in a good mood and not mind a freeloader because things are going your way. tomorrow, you may be pissed off at the world, and even more irritated because someone didn't return your kindness.

i prefer zero-sum, where no one owes me, and i don't owe anyone else.

[j2k4]

I have car-pooled in the past.

The tacit understanding was always a compensatory one; no one felt compelled to do an accounting of things, but you take your turn, come across with fuel, etc., or you're out.

Matter of courtesy.

I'll say I have never had to entertain the idea with anyone who wasn't a friend, presumptively familiar with convention.

Freeloaders suck, and they should receive that message at every opportunity.

I don't drive the government taxi.

[HilbillyHomeboy]

[futurevr4man]

Don't group me with AO

I respect those that feel they need to be monetarily compensated for something like this - but that's not me. Have some respect for the preferences of others. What I said, exactly, is that there's much more to be gained by helping others than a few extra bucks in your pocket. And that's the kind of world we live in; most people expect to gain something. I have a feeling that's what this thread is all about.

With that said, it's very rare to find someone that doesn't have their self-interests in mind. If you do, though, then good for them.

i like the stand that you are taking on this. however, as i said, i think its straight common courtesy to pay for your share. i would even go as far to say that its rude to expect to get a free ride and have no desire to give something in return. i think as a reputable individual, you should desire to help those that help you.

i can definitely understand that there is more to be gained through helping others than a monetary gain though. i volunteer on a regular basis (although not lately... no time) and i get no monetary gain out of it whatsoever. if anything, i GIVE money to it, but it is quite rewarding to say the least.


and FWIW to the OP, i would not enjoy carpooling because my schedule is usually quite varying throughout the week. one day i may want to go to the gym, and the next day i may want to go to a friends house, and then even still the next i may want to go out on a date with a girl i have been talking to. i am a person that doesnt like downtime, so i try to schedule things back-to-back so i would leave straight from work (in this example) and go straight to my next destination without going home first... even if home is only a mile away. i know that doesnt really answer your initial question, but it would be the biggest driving factor for me

[HilbillyHomeboy]

The whole point (and definition) of carpooling is to band together and save money, pollution, blah blah blah. If one person pays for everything, including the wear on their vehicle, that defeats the purpose in its entirety. No one is doing that, so this hypothetical is without merit.

Jeremy