NWS FOR LANGUAGE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU
We need more parents like this. This is how it's done.
Jeremy
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NWS FOR LANGUAGE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU
We need more parents like this. This is how it's done.
Jeremy
What a douchebag.
I don't care what you guys think, but when you start keeping score like that, and hiding behind videos and going and wrecking her stuff behind her back, you're stooping to her level and then its not punishment, its a fight.
Sometimes it works, sometimes they end up moving out and in with a drug dealer they met at school. *true story*
Sounds like there's more to the story than just his side.
I'd of reacted similarly, but I'd of destroyed the laptop in front of her. There wouldn't have been video. And I've raised two walking nightmares, the children of my ex's junkie sister.Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
I understand his frustration perfectly.
How many kids have you raised? And how, with your vast experience, would you have handled it?
I understand the frustration, but that's exactly what it is; fustration. He's taking it out emotionally, instead of trying to be constructive about it. I haven't had any kids of my own, but I've seen what can happen when its a fight as opposed to parenting. My cousin's been disowned by his parents, and as I understand it they don't even get to see their own grandkids now, all over a family fight.Quote:
Originally Posted by Valhallaz
Its high-horsed of me to be saying this, and only time will tell if that's what I'd actually do, but none of this embarrassing her in front of her friends, or destroying perfectly good equipment. She'd get a private chewing out, and frankly I'd only care about her school work at that age, not whether or not she has a job. Also, a list? Really? Its chores, not a game. I'd bust out a broom and some towels, and we'd do it together.
Keeping score? Of what? How many times he's been down the same road with her? That's called life, hotshot. Ever had a performance review for a job? Yeah, they "keep score".Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
Hiding behind videos? He's not hiding behind anything. He's already dealt with her and this same disrespect in the past. The original "punishment" didn't work, obviously. Time for a new approach. My father did the same kind of shit to me, I learned real quick not to repeat that act.
I can't wait to hear this...tell me what clues you saw/heard to assert there's more to the story? AgentOblivious, indeed.
Jeremy
My manager works from 5 am - 2:30, I usually work nights and weekends...of course my performance reviews are an accurate portrayal of my work *note sarcasm*. Not to mention its home, not a job. You don't sit there and nitpick over who's dick is longer, or who's done more work at home. You get it done and move on. "Many hands make light work" fits, and if you don't want her to be a spoiled brat and not do anything, you sweep while she does dishes or vice versa.Quote:
Originally Posted by HilbillyHomeboy
Sure he's hiding behind a video. By making it and posting it for her friends to see, its a way of hitting back and humiliating her without having to do it face to face. I'm sure he has dealt with it before, and he'll deal with it again, because you don't get different results from doing the same thing over and over. That's great that it worked for you, fine, but its not a blanket cure.Quote:
Hiding behind videos? He's not hiding behind anything. He's already dealt with her and this same disrespect in the past. The original "punishment" didn't work, obviously. Time for a new approach. My father did the same kind of shit to me, I learned real quick not to repeat that act.
Well for one, you yourself pointed out that he's dealt with it before, and that he pointed out himself, so obviously taking her stuff and shutting her in isn't working that well. Second, that he's trying to humiliate her points to him being butt-hurt over the comments, and wanting to come out on top over it. He seems like the kind of guy who if he got knocked out, would come back later and slash your tires or bring some friends so that he ends up defending his pride. With that kind of an attitude, I bet they clash over all sorts of things.Quote:
I can't wait to hear this...tell me what clues you saw/heard to assert there's more to the story? AgentOblivious, indeed.
Jeremy
Personally, having her begrudgingly do her chores and bitch after is better than having her not do them then say nothing but nice things about her parents. She's a teenaged girl, if you're around when her friends are there and you're involved in her life, they'll sort out who's bitching and who's telling the truth on their own.
My mom is dealing with something similar right now. Her husband has custody of his daughter who is 15 and has been doing unspeakable things. She basically has no "life" and comes home, does not watch tv, does not use her cell phone, and does her schoolwork. The boyfriend that she had was a D-Bag and my mom and her husband pretty much banned her completely from seeing him because she was doing things like drinking, oral sex all the time, etc. They have to lock all of their alcohol in the house because she was sneaking alcohol.
AgentOblivious, I am not sure what world you live in, but I see nothing wrong with this video. I think it is the ultimate punishment, to bear the burden of her friends at school spreading the word that her dad posted that video on her facebook. He isn't hiding behind the video, he is making a statement and making an example out of his daughter. Too often in this world do parents become completely complacent to their children's activities because they are so busy working. Parents these days don't MAKE time to parent, they just do what I call buy-out parenting. They buy their kids out to win over their trust or to get them to do things. Good parenting does not cost anything, only time. I don't have children, but I am telling you that if someone disrespected me like that, I would probably do something similar. And I would make them work off their newly destroyed belonging that of course, I bought, or have them get a job and pay it back.
I wholeheartedly agree with what this gentleman did and thumbs up for being a PARENT.
LOL, wow.Quote:
Also, a list? Really? Its chores, not a game. I'd bust out a broom and some towels, and we'd do it together.
I do think he's over reacting, but AO is being dumb as F. She's got truly minimal chores. Why should he help her with them? That's her job at the house. You don't think HE has chores at the house? You really think SHE's helping him maintain the house and the yard? OH GOD HIGH SCHOOL IS SO HARD!!! HAHAHAHAHA
Seriously though... Teenage girl that does chores and goes to sleep at 10 PM? She's an ANGEL compared to what most teenagers are like! So she vented on facebook and twisted the truth to support her side. He's in IT... Block facebook from her computer and give her a non-administrative account for X amount of time. Make it clear how disrespectful that was and that she should be grateful for the life she has. Grounding her until college? LOL, c'mon man. What he did was funny, but it hurt him a lot more than it hurt her... Since he bought the damn laptop.
Just because a prior punishment didn't stop her from doing something similar year(s) later doesn't mean it wasn't sufficient punishment. Rinse and repeat, IMO.
Entertaining thread/video either way.
Thanks for that *note sarcasm*. Its not that doing it is hard, its that doing it together is leading by example. Having someone else helping is a positive motivator. Either way she's still doing the work.Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamVR4
Agreed 100%. It doesn't matter though, he got emotional over it, and that means he lost control.Quote:
Seriously though... Teenage girl that does chores and goes to sleep at 10 PM? She's an ANGEL compared to what most teenagers are like! So she vented on facebook and twisted the truth to support her side. He's in IT... Block facebook from her computer and give her a non-administrative account for X amount of time. Make it clear how disrespectful that was and that she should be grateful for the life she has. Grounding her until college? LOL, c'mon man. What he did was funny, but it hurt him a lot more than it hurt her... Since he bought the damn laptop.
You said he should be sweeping while she does the dishes. Those are both her chores. Clearly she's not doing the work if he's doing it for her.Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
If you were saying he should do one of his chores around the house while she does hers, OK, that's a lot less ridiculous.
He shouldn't have stooped to her level just to embarrass her on face book. He should have found another way to punish her and been above such a shitty act of public disrespect.Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
Speaking of, LOL, check this shit out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=JfuQKgHyv-s
That's not even remotely what I'm talking about, and you know it. A review as in, AgentOblivious, we've given you a verbal and written warning about this. The next step is termination. That is keeping score. You don't gallyvant through life with a clean slate, despite your previous mishaps.Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
See BaadVR4's response. You're quite insane if you think that guy isn't going to confront her face to face. I'm going to venture it starts with "Do I have your attention, now?" It's cute that you automatically assume it escalates into a knock down drag out. Judge much?Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
What point do you think you just made with your #1, other than my point? Yes, he's dealt with it before. Grounding her did all of nothing, obviously. So, now, he's on to a new method of getting her attention, coupled with the previous method as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
Obviously divorced, and mommy is on board with it, too. Sounds like a solid environment to me.
Public humiliation has become a very accepted method of punishment. So much so, that this has been used in the court of law when dealing with minors. No different than when someone feels wronged buying out of the classifieds on a forum. You approach the person, privately. If they won't deal with you...you take it public. AKA, getting their attention, and feedback from others.
#2, you're looking at this as a game. It appears the father is not. He seems concerned, and genuinely going out of his way to teach this girl common respect, decency, and a good work ethic. If it takes a viral video to get her attention, so be it. As you said "you don't get different results from doing the same thing over and over." ;)
Jeremy
I guess I could have explained it better. I didn't mean that she got out of helping out, its that they work together to get all the chores done (not just hers) together.Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamVR4
AO doesn't know shit about raising a kid. Hell AO doesn't know shit about life.
I can certainly understand your point of view and you may very well be right. I think the difference in opinions really boil down to assumptions we're making about their relationship, her behavior, etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by HilbillyHomeboy
If she's truly a shitty teenager and he was left with no options, then there's nothing wrong with what he did. I suppose the only thing he could have done differently would be to donate the laptop to some charity, but this was undoubtedly a lot more satisfying.
I was a pretty crappy teenager for a couple years, but my sister was non-stop torture for my parents. She definitely got violent... Kicked my dad in the throat, the groin... With combat boots. She cut herself up and down her arms. Who knows how much money my parents spent putting her in correctional/rehab facilities. Similar to the "true story" AO mentioned earlier, she did run away from home for weeks on end and live with a drug dealer. Her boyfriends were all total scum. She was a nightmare from age 12 to 17, when she scared herself straight... In other words, she got lucky she survived her own stupidity. My parents couldn't do anything to control her and were constantly working with police to find her after she'd break out of her room. She's still paying for it today, since she missed out on so much of her education.
That's why I say this girl is a relative angel and perhaps the parent should tone it down a notch. Perspective, or something.
I think that's the disconnect, stooping to her level. I don't view it that way. At a bare minimum, I think it's an excellent lesson in "be careful what you say/do, because it just might get back around".Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamVR4
I found this gem on an extremely liberal, hivemind type forum, and there's next to no dissenting opinions. I found that interesting.
Jeremy
Like a write-up? In that case, I've only ever been written up twice: #1 was a blanket write-up for everyone who was closing, because management wanted to look tough over a few people dicking around. It didn't work, and as I understand it mine was written up because I had stayed late that night to cover for someone else. #2 was because I decided to do something about faulty wiring that was a danger to staff (and a possible fire hazard), because the weekend managers didn't want to deal with it and left it for two days without relaying the message to those that were coming in for a shift. Needless to say they have a very angry letter attached to it in my file. I did renos prior to this job, so I know what I can do and what I can't, and all I did was take the cover off a box to check it after the manager refused to turn off the power to it, "because it was too much work", and afterwards she not only shut the power off but had the bad wiring fixed within the hour.Quote:
Originally Posted by HilbillyHomeboy
Aside from my personal experience, score means jack shit if management does or doesn't like you, because they will give you extra chances/fewer chances based on that alone, in some cases. Life isn't always fair that way.
Lets he him actually have a conversation about it to her, instead of what'll undoubtedly start as him 'laying down the law' and it'll either be her shutting up and taking it out somewhere else (oh jeez, won't be facebook this time), or it'll be a shouting match. People judge all the time; you're no exception.Quote:
See BaadVR4's response. You're quite insane if you think that guy isn't going to confront her face to face. I'm going to venture it starts with "Do I have your attention, now?" It's cute that you automatically assume it escalates into a knock down drag out. Judge much?
He's playing the same game, just upping the ante. The only thing new is him going out and trashing her on facebook while he shoots a perfectly good computer to burn off steam. To me that's like torching and ex's stuff.Quote:
What point do you think you just made with your #1, other than my point? Yes, he's dealt with it before. Grounding her did all of nothing, obviously. So, now, he's on to a new method of getting her attention, coupled with the previous method as well.
There's a difference between what the courts do and what he did. He went out and dragged out a personal message all over the internet...heck if he had grabbed it from her personal diary, would that still be okay?Quote:
Obviously divorced, and mommy is on board with it, too. Sounds like a solid environment to me.
Public humiliation has become a very accepted method of punishment. So much so, that this has been used in the court of law when dealing with minors. No different than when someone feels wronged buying out of the classifieds on a forum. You approach the person, privately. If they won't deal with you...you take it public. AKA, getting their attention, and feedback from others.
#2, you're looking at this as a game. It appears the father is not. He seems concerned, and genuinely going out of his way to teach this girl common respect, decency, and a good work ethic. If it takes a viral video to get her attention, so be it. As you said "you don't get different results from doing the same thing over and over." ;)
Jeremy
Usually what I've seen from sentencing is community service whereby the offender has to publicly own up, ie go around telling high school kids why they shouldn't drive drunk, with the car they trashed in tow. If he had made her give an apology on facebook, or something similar, that would be in the same league. This is just trash talking.
now a days public humiliation is all you can do to kids when you try to do it privately and cant get it through to em. you spank your kid anymore and you'll end up in jail.. defiantly if theyre willing to talk about you like that publicly anyway. all theyd have to do is tell people you beat them
Group-think? It's impossible for me to have a strong opinion one way or the other because so much is unknown.Quote:
Originally Posted by HilbillyHomeboy
Oh yeah, there's certainly assumptions being made concerning her, her father, their relationship, etc. Although, I found it reassuring that the divorced parents are both agreeing on the line of action.Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamVR4
Admittedly, blasting the laptop was probably overkill. I agree donating it might have accomplished the same goal. But, I'm sure his line of action will get some major attention, and that seems what he's really after...her undivided attention.
The thing is I see shithead kids doing this same thing allll the time. The parents don't monitor their FB page. That is wholly unacceptable, in my world. Here's a recent example, by a 13 year old girl, "eat that pussy like cold pizza", was a status she posted(she thinks she's slick, hides behind "it's song lyrics" when she gets called out). Her father is as redneck as they come, which is part of the problem, he's impaired when it comes to the internet, and what not. Every other day it's, fuck you, fuck this, fuck my dad, fuck my mom, you couldn't walk a day in my shoes, blah blah blah. Pisses me off, because this little bitch gets pretty much everything she wants, and has very little responsibility. While her dad is a vet who lives off disability, and tries to do as much for her as he can. It sucks, I want to tell him about this nonsense, but it isn't my place, and I don't want in the middle. :(
Jeremy
Quote:
Originally Posted by HilbillyHomeboy
It's pretty fucking sad that so much of our relationships revolve around facebook. Glad I never got on it and my wife barely uses it....... That will sure make for some interesting discussions with a future AdamVR4 Jr.
Yes, like a write-up, or even worse a criminal record. Life is a series of score keeping events. Your future is based off of your history.Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
This might be the most level headed info nugget you've ever posted. I certainly do not disagree. However, all you can do is your best. Sometimes, your best isn't good enough due to bias.Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
Your opinion here reads as "I am the judge, jury, and executioner". It's readily apparent a conversation has taken place, in the past. It, obviously, fell upon deaf ears. This is the anonymity generation. Why talk to your parent(s) when you can reap FB karma instead? It's sad, but true.Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
Like I just posted to Adam, I don't view it as a game, upping the ante, or any other colorful tag phrases. Looks like to me, he's using her same outlet to get his point across. Again, anonymity and denying play into factor. "It was just a FB post, dad, jeez"... Kiddos need to learn it is "not just a FB post", it's words, and words can often be extremely hurtful to others, or get your ass kicked.Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
There is no difference. You think a minor subjected to holding a sandwich board on a street corner that reads "I disrespected my mom by stealing an xbox" doesn't get picked up by the local media, then gets uploaded to youtube? Your diary comment plays right into my stooping to her level context. THAT would be stooping to her level. But, see, he didn't do that. Which leads me to believe he's trying to get her full attention, and SHOW her actions to her. The only, remote, shot he took at her, was about the job application that he got for her and she "was too lazy to return". I didn't hear any trash talking.Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentOblivious
Parents are supposed to embarrass you, it's in the manual.
Jeremy
I have a fake account that I use primarily to follow WVU insiders. Other than that, really not interested. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamVR4
Jeremy
I'm actually a little on AO's side on this. I'm not so sure he handled it right and I'm a hard ass father when it comes to disrespect. Disrespect is one thing I will never tolerate for even a split second. I would have taken or shot the lap top but I don't think I would ever post that video on line. His kid is a fucking brat, but you can't be a hard ass 100% of the time. It's like 90% love and 10% ruthless ass kicking. :D
Nice 1911.
::awaiting daughter's video response from a friend's computer via 4Chan:: :p
Reality is, this is just one of many ways to handle a situation like this. Do I think it'll get the daughter to straighten up? Hell no.
In middle school/high school, chores seemed like a lot of work. I can understand the daughter's sentiment, at that age point, and in that regard -- but when you get into the real world, THAT is when you finally realize how little responsibility you actually had. Shooting a computer isn't going to get that point across. But as he was hinting at, maybe it was more directed to her friends, which then poses the question: was it really his place to be lecturing them in the first place?
Kids will be kids. They'll complain. They'll blow things out of proportion. They'll think they have it worse than they really do. Your goal as a parent should be to counter-act that in a constructive way, but not in a way that makes them despise you greater than they would otherwise later in life. If you can get them to one day say, hopefully before they move out, that they realize they actually had it pretty easy - you've done your job well. But as most parents would attest, that's no easy task.
Just my 2 cents.
My son pulls some crap like this in the future and he's going to see daddy call his friend who has been dealing with large amounts of explosives for years.
I don't see the problem... The daughter is the one that took family business public. I think he needed to respond publicly to effectively put a stop to it. He seemed pretty calm about what he was doing. He had a point to make, and he made it well...
I also doubt that as a father of a teenage daughter, his firearm display was simply therapeutic...
In the end, kids don't come with instruction manuals... There's no perfect parent. We just do what we think is best, and hope it works out.
I raised my daughter as a single parent from the age of nine. She's 23 now, and I'm very proud of how she's turned out. I certainly don't claim it was because I was the best parent... Working 50+ hrs a week and usually going backwards financially made it pretty rough. But in the same token, I believe that toughing out the hard times as a team helped forge her character, and spared her the sense of entitlement I see in so many kids today...
I think that's why we have alot of problems today. In the state I live in (and I think most states) there is no law against spanking a child. Granted, there IS a HUGE difference in spanking and beating. I know when I was growing up (some of you will consider the 60s and 70s the DARK AGES) if I did something wrong, I KNEW I was going to get a whippin". Hell, I got whippin's from every relative and neighbor I knew. That's how I learned if you do something wrong, there will be a price to pay.Quote:
Originally Posted by Danube_3KGT
As I grew up, I never got arrested, I never backtalked an adult, I didn't drink until I met my 1st wife :) and I respected me elders.
I'm retired law enforcement. I never planned on it and I had other jobs before I became a cop. But, during my years, I noticed several things. The kids that lived with their G-ma or other relatives were usually gettin' in trouble. That's because their parents didn't have the time or the ability to take care of them.
I had one parent call in because her 8yoa son was tearing up her house. When I got there, the house was trashed and boy was cussing his mother telling her she "can't do anything about it". I asked her if he ever got a spanking. She said she was afraid to or she would go to jail. I told her that if she wanted to go get a belt I would be a witness for her. The boy quit cussing her and began cussing me then. Telling me he would have ME arrested. She soon came back from her bedroom and proceeded to teach him that there ARE consequences for your actions. I left her my card in case she needed me again. But, for some reason I never had to return to that house. :)
Maybe some of you don't agree with the man in the video. I think he took the best route. If she's in high school it's probably too late to be spanking her. By that age you've already lost the battle. If you don't teach your kids right when they're little you WILL deal with them when they are grown up.
p.s. By the time I was 5 my dad could be sitting 100 ft. away and if I was acting up, he could look at me and I knew it was time to straighten up. By the time my son was 4 he knew if he was acting up and we were anywhere near a bathroom and I asked him "do we need to go to the bathroom?" that he really DID NOT want to do that and he instantly started to mind himself. My son is now almost 26, married and a father. He's never been arrested or in ANY kind of trouble. He's also a fireman.
Don't say that man. :( While I've never raised a daughter, I did grow up with 5 sisters. Two things it gave me was an appreciation for the female psyche, and some very strong comparison points.Quote:
Originally Posted by $$$PIT
16 is a hit or miss age. One of my sisters would throw house parties, even once resulting in the front door getting busted down and our family's motorcycle trashed in the lawn. My other sister, complete bookworm and ahead of her years in maturity. The battle was not lost on those that were the rebels, and now that quite some time has passed, the ones you might have doubted actually came out okay in the end. Better than okay, in fact. She's become one of the most well-rounded and cultured adults I know.
The letter this guy's daughter wrote was irresponsible, and probably just as irrational as this father's response. But she has an excuse: she's 16, and as opposed to when girls used to vent in their journals or over the phones with friends, they're now armed with new ways to let out their frustration when they're at their emotional peak. I don't know if Jeremy's post was meant to stir up a debate about parenting, but it's certainly something to consider.
This is why he got boo'ed off the 3si stage.Quote:
Originally Posted by stealthee
i agree with this guy , i would not put up with the shit . I had to claw and earn everything i ever wanted since is was 13 it makes me sick to see kids that get everything i never had and act like tools. Im currently raising two boys that yes i will make sure they have everything that i never did but if they acted like that i would prolly do the same thing . I do have to say dont give parenting advice if you have never had kids. You dont know what its like , pure and simple . I didnt know what true compassion or patience was untill i had two of my own. It changes you hopefully for the better but regardless it changes you . An you will not ever understand a parent agreeing with this guy untill you have raised your own children.
Sorry, but what he did goes way beyond "good parenting." He just destroyed a laptop that apparently, he paid for, not his daughter. Real smart and very mature way to handle his frustration, by taking out a gun.Quote:
Originally Posted by HilbillyHomeboy
Bingo. What teenager doesn't hate their parents from time to time and is rebellious? And what kid doesn't ever vent their frustrations? I can empathize with a parent having to deal with a bratty kid or one who doesn't know how good they actually have it. But the Dad's response here is idiotic at best.Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamVR4
Don't you mean WeedMan Jr? ;) LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by AdamVR4
This bugs me to no end. Don't start sentences with "sorry". You're not sorry for what you're saying; it's your opinion, just state it. :) Even if you are wrong. :pQuote:
Originally Posted by UTRacerX9
Jeremy
I wonder if this father knows he's the one that created the exact thing he doesn't like about his daughter, as is the case with most parents. Do parents actually think their high school kid NEEDS their own laptop, or NEEDS a smartphone, or any of the other pointless technological garbage people waste their money on nowadays?
The truth is nobody NEEDS any of that crap to live. We all survived pretty damn fine just a short decade ago without it. The only piece of technology my mom bought me was a watch, so I knew what time it was for my ass to get home.
Sorry.Quote:
Originally Posted by HilbillyHomeboy
:D
That's a really good point.Quote:
Originally Posted by bluefox1081
I know where you sleep.Quote:
Originally Posted by UTRacerX9
Jeremy
haha hard to do when schools are handingthe damed things out now m, my brother has had one for three years , school provided
You were saying, AO?Quote:
Originally Posted by Tommy Jordan
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx37ujOpIo1qfji49.jpg
Parents and Kids...... | Facebook
That's the fathers page. He even used the attention to raise money for MDA.
He sure seems like a guy who is an attention whore, and has to get the last word in. /sarcasmQuote:
Originally Posted by Tommy Jordan
Jeremy